A Vegetarian in Berlin

I have a new travel goal in my life. It’s to learn “I am a vegetarian” or “no meat” in every single language.

Granted, this phrase doesn’t exclude fish & seafood in some countries, and I still have no idea how to conquer the dairy dilemma as curdled milk and yak cheese make me sick… But I think “I’m a vegetarian” should be a good start.

Knowing this phrase in German would’ve done me wonders inBerlin.  We all know that the Germans like their Schnitzel and all other meats galore.  As a budget solo traveler, my wallet cannot afford fancy vegetarian restaurants, or anything above “Taco Bell” status. This budget limits me to the cheap street food and a supermarket diet.

My attempts to change this lifestyle usually leads to disaster, and Berlin was absolutely no exception. Let’s go back to December of this year.

I timidly entered a busy Chinese take-out place at Alexanderplatz(A prominent Berlin station) and squinted at the menu on the wall.  There were many bright pictures to choose from, and I quickly scanned each item until my eyes landed on #5.  VEG…IER.  (enter strange German letters in between those).  In my limited German knowledge, I’ve come to realize that some German words are spelled similar to english ones.

For example – Halo = Hello.  Bier = Beer.  Using this theory, why WOULDN’T Veg…ier = Vegetarian? It only makes sense.

I stared at the picture. Noodles & two eggrolls. Not one animal piece in sight. The eggrolls would be tricky, but I figured I could take a chance on those. You know, tap into my “adventurous” side. I looked at #5, and carefully planned my strategy.  After a deep breath, I stepped up to the counter.

“******?!”

I stared at the Chinese lady, briefly confused at the words coming out of her mouth. My strategic plan crumbled out of my mind, and I stared at the lady with a blank look on my face.

“************!!!!!!!!!!!” This time she was louder.

I’m sure my face either conveyed “retarded American” or “scared to death tourist.” A weary looking chef stepped up to the counter.

“wha numba yu wat?” He said, pointing at the menu.

“FIVE!” I practically yelled, throwing up my hand in the air and double checking to make sure all five fingers were still there.

“********?” The Chinese lady yelled another question at me. I stared at her again, trying to process words that I knew I would never understand.  She finally rolled her eyes and thrust her hand out at me. I quickly grabbed my precious euros and handed her six, not wanting to hear any more of her loud angry words.

Two minutes later she shoved a takeout box at me. I knew better than to ask for chopsticks, she looked like she could murder me with them.

No eggrolls. Well that I could live without, but part of me wondered if my “FIVE” had actually been communicated. I opened my box and saw a big white chunk of something on the top.  After poking through my noodles, I noticed more big white chunks.

Keep in mind that I don’t eat meat on a regular basis, so I’m slightly unaware of what it looks like.  I know what fried chicken looks like, I know what steak looks like.  But these big white chunks looked like nothing I had seen before.  My ‘adventurous’ side kicked in again.  Maybe it’s mushrooms?

One bite.

That’s all it took.  I still have absolutely no idea what it was, but it tasted like horrible chicken. It repulsed me to the point that I couldn’t even take a picture of it.

With that note, I headed back to the supermarket to indulge in my own Berlin special…

1 Euro supermarket pizza and a giant bag of navel oranges.

So right.

On so many levels.

Besides my brief Chinese indulgence, did you know I only spent 10 Euros on food during my 3 days in Berlin?

That my friends, is what you call #winning.